20 Things to Never Ask a 20 Something

1. Do you still live with your parents? Maybe...

2. When are you going to get a real job? When you stop asking.

3. What do you plan to do with your degree? Use it as a fire starter during the zombie apocalypse.

4. Why do you eat so much fast food? I don't actually know how to cook...this is how I survive.

5. Can you watch my kids? Can you buy me a car?

6. Do you have to sleep so much? I'm enjoying not having kids, and sleeping whenever and as much as I want.

7. When are you going to grow up? Never. The answer is never.

8. How can you eat all that? You're just jealous, and because I'm hungry.

9. How can you afford to go shopping if you don't have a real job? Magic.

10. When are you getting married? Depends...do you want to buy me a husband?

11. Why are you always so grumpy in the mornings? I'm still trying to have a life while working. I haven't figured out it's impossible yet.

12. Why do you have so much laundry? Because laundry is hard, and buying clean clothes is easier.

13. Where did all your dishes go? I threw them away...they were dirty.

14. Why are you so lazy? I'm not lazy. I'm EXHAUSTED.

15. Why are there phone chargers in every room? In case I fall and can't get up, at least my phone will be charged.

16. Is frosting straight from the jar a good idea? Get out.

17. Why do you have Wi-Fi but no car? Because Netflix....and Facebook, but mostly Netflix.

18. How do you have the entire Starbucks menu memorized? It's easier than U.S. History, and tastier.

19. Why would you get a graduate degree when you're already broke? Because debt is easier to face than the real world...and the impending existential crisis of no longer being a student.


NEVER, I REPEAT NEVER ASK SOMEONE THIS!!!

20. How does it feel to be the only unmarried one left? It's glorious. I've already got names picked out for my first fifty cats.

I hope you enjoyed my...