This is Normal

I recently went for my one year check up with my doctor.

Before I tell you this completely normal story about my visit, I should give you a little back story.

I live in a small town (big in area and small in population). We are famous for our number of golf courses and retirees. Because our town is full of such enriching activities you can probably guess that the average age here is about 60 years old. When I go to see my doctor chances are very likely that I will be the youngest by at least 40 years....sometimes more. It tends to confuse the nurses and other staff when I walk in and check in for my appointment.

I've recently had some health issues so my doctor became a frequent part of my life. Last year though I returned to my normal healthy self and we've been seeing each other far less frequently.

Back to my story!

My doctor likes to decorate each exam room with pictures of her family. They aren't all just normal family pictures either. Some of the lovely photos are pictures from Disney World, Wild West Saloons, and normal posed studio pictures....that stare at the exam beds.

Kind of like this...

I'm kidding.....just a little bit.

So I'm sitting there in the exam room staring back at my audience, hoping that by some miracle they could look away. I was plotting someway to cover them without anyone noticing. In all honesty they were creeping the heck out of me like always, and of course there's no polite way to ask your doctor to shield her family photos during the exam.

I made it through my appointment without making awkward eye contact with her infant daughter or her uncle dressed as a bar maiden. I was feeling pretty successful until she started talking....about having children. To which I stupidly said "Don't worry I'm probably going to die alone anyway." Her response was not what I expect. She said, "No you won't, because you make financially smart decisions." Because as we all know, financially smart decisions are the way to any man's heart. Gosh....I love her unintended wittiness.

Because she is so intelligent my doctor has a wide range of topics she likes to bring up at the most awkward times. Last time it was bear spray. BEAR SPRAY, like for hiking in bear infested woods. I have no idea where she comes up with this stuff.

No topic is safe to this woman. Most of the time I just think to myself...Can we just not talk about this now?.....Maybe we could discuss this after everyone is in their own safe corners of the room.

She is a brilliant woman and I generally enjoy most of our visits.. Now I only get to look forward to her antics once a year. Just to prove I'm not lying, here is a transcript from my last visit.

Dr. P - Hey lady! How are you?

Me - I'm good, I don't know why I'm here.

Dr. P - *shuffling through papers from my other doctors and specialist* Yeah....everything is perfect. Looks like we have everything under control. You're perfect.

Me - *stunned face* Wow, that's the first time I've heard that in four years.

Dr. P - I don't really know what to do with you any more.....

Thank God for doctors who keep things interesting. I don't know what I'd do without her.