Saturday, November 22, 2014

Being Single is Hard Sometimes

Many times in my life things happen that make me say..."No one will believe this story." Today's entry is one such event.

The time my dad thought my grandmother's funeral was the perfect time to find me a boyfriend.

I'll start by saying we don't grieve like normal families. Mostly our emotions are kept in our separate corners. Crying is a sign of weakness, and grieving is done alone. You do what you can to hold it at bay until you're by yourself, and on rare occasion "doing what you can" means "finding MeHaley a boyfriend."

We're strange...I know, but you can't blame us after two days straight of viewing and our marathon seventh hour at the funeral home on that particular day. (Russian Orthodox funerals are no joke.)

My grandma was a stunningly kind woman. She was also the best cook I've ever known and towards the end of her life she was no different. My aunt always took care of her and provided any extra help she needed. My Aunt Marge has the biggest personality. She won't do anything her gut tells her not to do and anyone that meets her loves her automatically.

This story took place on the night of viewing when ALL of my Aunt's co-workers came to show their love and support. They just so happened to include my Aunt's nice looking 26 year old colleague that also makes really good money. A guy who would have made a perfectly nice catch ANY OTHER DAY OF MY LIFE.

I was just walking around mingling with these people who were there to give love and support. Meeting people who I'd met long ago when I was a baby and who remembered me, but I had no idea they existed. When suddenly I hear my father call out to me from across the room. Granted we're a pretty spirited bunch so it was pretty loud for a funeral, but it didn't matter. You could have heard him across the street...and what was he yelling? He wasn't calling me to come over...nooooo. Instead he was shouting this guy's stats across the room.  

Haley! This is Rob. *points to unsuspecting victim*

He's single!!!

Rob has a great job.

He makes a lot of money!

(kill me. kill me now.)

He was right for the most part. Rob was in fact single, with a great job and he did make a lot of money. He also talked non stop about his "best-girl-friend." He's using his big paycheck to pay off his mountains of student debt, and has the vocabulary of a state college frat boy. (Nice one dad)

Unfortunately Rob just wasn't right for me at that specific moment in time, and at the end of the evening everyone left just like they had come. They all said their goodbyes and condolences and my family retreated for the evening to prepare for what will probably always be one of the longest days of my life.

I'm glad that my parents worry about me enough to want to help me find someone to spend the rest of my life with, but their timing can be disastrously off sometimes.

Since the funeral set-up debacle we've had many conversations on proper set-up etiquette and timing.

You'll be happy to know it has gotten no better.

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