My name is MeHaley, and I can't cook.
There, now that I've got that off my chest let me tell you about some easy food hacks I've picked up over the years. A lot of the time I can only afford the basic necessities like Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Eggo Waffles. So I've picked up a few ways to make normal food better in a hurry. Very minimal cooking is involved, if any. You only need a stove top for one and a microwave for the rest.
1. Sausage and Jelly Biscuit
Don't judge it until you've tried it. All you need is a sausage biscuit...from pretty much any fast food chain restaurant. Luckily they've been around as long as dirt so they are pretty dang cheap on most menus. Don't get me wrong. I love me a regular sausage biscuit, but sometimes they just need more. (Cue the Jelly) All you have to do is spread the jelly on your biscuit like you would a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, put the sausage back on and TADA! Sausage and Jelly Biscuit. (I'm pretty sure the is actually a southern staple, so I claim no rights to this invention.)
2. Warm Poptarts
I shouldn't even have to explain this one, but just in case.... Take your favorite Poptart, REMOVE the foil wrapping it comes in, and place in the microwave. Microwave between 15 and 30 seconds. It makes a world of difference. If you're feeling adventurous, try the toaster.
3. Chocolate Coffee
If you can't even bring yourself to attempt that "free" aka TERRIBLE coffee at work, the hospital, banks, or anywhere. Here's a tip I learned from a friend of mine who works in the ER. Almost 98% of the time where there is free coffee, there are free packets of Hot Chocolate. Mix those bad boys together!!! TADA! Free mocha! Okay, in all honesty it's not the most fabulous drink you've ever had but it's way beyond better than the free black coffee you were about to choke down.
(Just pretend you're drinking this.)
4. Pizza and Ranch
Also a no brainer. Have you tried dipping your pizza in ranch dressing? Next time throw out the garlic sauce and don't touch anything resembling Ketchup (gross.) Go for the Ranch. Not only does it make your vegetables tasty but it makes EVERYTHING tasty! I'm looking at you Scotland. You seriously should jump on this American Bandwagon.
5. Rice and Bell Peppers
DISCLAIMER: You need a stove for this one. Just the top though.
This one saved me when I moved away from home. This was all I knew how to cook and therefore, what I lived on.
You will need; a cup of instant rice, one green (or color of your choice) bell pepper, a pot of any kind, and a knife...for the pepper.
First, cover the bottom of the pot with less than half an inch of water. Put the pot on the stove and bring the water to a boil. While the water is heating up cut up the pepper into small pieces, and put in the pot. All you are doing is steaming the pepper slices so only cook until there is no more water in the pot. Should be less than five minutes. While the pepper is steaming, microwave your instant rice. Once everything is done cooking mix them together. It's healthy, its fast, and Holy cow is it cheap!
(My last attempt at cooking.)
6. Cauliflower and Cheese
Sticking with the vegetable theme. This is pretty easy and a good way to tempt yourself into eating cauliflower. Cheese just makes everything taste better.
All you have to do is wash the cauliflower, break off the amount you want to eat. Put what you've just violently ripped off the head of the cauliflower into a bowl and cover with your favorite cheese. Place in the microwave and heat for between three and four minutes. I know it seems like over-kill but cauliflower takes forever to soften up! Goodness Cauliflower!!! Why can't you just be like an overly dramatic teen and fall to pieces!?!?! I kid....sort of.