Sunday, March 9, 2014

Growing Up on a Farm: Untold Stories

If you grew up on a farm then you're probably going to know what I'm talking about. 

1. You are not allowed to be afraid of thunderstorms.

Sure, thunderstorms can get pretty scary at times, but you know who else is afraid of thunder and lightning? Those 800 lb cows standing out in the open fields. They know the real terror of lightning because chances are at least one of their cousins became toasty burgers at one point.

You know what else cows have insane talent for? Finding holes in fences. It's like intense Gay-dar but fence-dar, or hole-dar.......I'll stop now.

Back to why you're not allowed to be afraid of thunderstorms. Since cows are even more afraid of lightning than things they should be afraid of, (like slaughterhouses) and they are spectacular at finding holes in fences, you now have to spend all stormy nights fixing fences!!! Aren't you lucky?

2. Poison Ivy becomes an "I spy..." game.

Do you know what poison ivy looks like? I do! I know what it looks like all year around. I know where it's most likely to grow. I even know it's closest relatives....poison oak you sneaky bugger. Did you know that even if you aren't allergic to poison ivy now you can at any time without warning grow an allergy to it? Yeah...that one took a little longer to learn.

3. Everything is manual transmission!

Can you drive a stick shift? Me least not well. I can drive four-wheelers, tractors, lawn mowers, and farm trucks (all manual transmission), but I CAN NOT for the life of me drive a stick shift "road worthy" vehicle. Red lights are a real struggle. It's a shame really.

4. Natural life cycles are a daily thing.

Congratulations! You get to learn about reproduction, life, death, and the digestive workings of all farm animals before the age of 10. Who needs biology in school? Pssssht, not you. You already know exactly what comes out of a cow after it attempts to eat ALL the feed you've put out.

5. I'd rather grow up on a farm than anywhere else.

In all seriousness, in all the time I spent growing up on a farm I learned more valuable real world knowledge than I ever did in any city. I learned that the harder you work, the more success you'll see. I learned that I can not only take care of myself but a bunch of people/animals who need me. I also learned that my vehicles will never be completely clean. It just won't happen.

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